


Is Everything Ok?

by ohlook_destiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Dean, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, M/M, New York AU, New York City, Short, Snow, Winter, bar au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 04:10:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3105137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohlook_destiel/pseuds/ohlook_destiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is 24, at the peak of his life in New York City. He has always had one night stands, but all that is all about to change. When he meets Castiel, he has a real connection and he must confront the feelings he buried a long time ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work, so I would love some feedback!

"ALCOHOL! Because no good story starts with someone eating a salad," Dean said as he sat down next to the girl he'd been looking at all night and ordered a drink. It's been a while since Dean's been out. He's been drinking sure, but he's been in a rut. Dean's been having one night stands since he was 18, but lately it just didn't feel right.

Tonight was the first time Dean had been to a bar in months. He was doing everything he used to. Drinking beer, winking at girls, flirting with them when they winked back, but it still didn't feel right. He didn't feel like he belonged there.

The girl at the bar gave some excuse, smiled, and left. Dean, not really paying attention anyways, turned back to the bar and ordered the first of many shots. The more he drank, the clearer his head got. That's what happens when you've spent half your life drunk.

He started thinking about all the girls he'd been with in the past. He might be a one night stand kind of guy, but he remembered every girl he slept with. He thought about How he hadn't seen Sam in weeks. It was the longest they'd ever been apart.

He looked at the time, 11:37. Definitely too early to be heading home, but screw it, being at the bar wasn't helping him. If he was going to get plastered, he at least wanted to do it while wearing sweatpants.

He took his final shot, his 17th to be exact, and turned to leave. As he turned, he ran straight into a man walking up to the bar. He was about the same height as Dean with messy dark hair and the bluest eyes you have ever seen. They were at a grungy bar, but he still had on a dress shirt and tie, but the tie was backwards.

"Hey, I'm sorry," the man said. He had a deep voice, but it was gentle.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Dean said, trying his best to get out of the awkward situation. He noticed the guy was still staring at him.

"I think I've seen you here before."

"Oh really?" Dean said, stepping around him and moving again towards the door.

"Yeah. I come here a lot, too. I'm Castiel," the man said, his voice brightening just a tad.

"I'm Dean, but look man, I really just want to go home. It's been a long night," he said, a little harsher than he should have.

The man looked down and wiggled his feet a little. "Oh yeah, totally. I understand," he said, all the brightness gone.

Dean immediately regretted what he'd said. "Hey, it's not you, just a rough night."

"I get it," Castiel mumbled. "Maybe I'll see you some other time," he said look back to Dean.

"Yeah maybe," Dean said, adding a smile for good measure before turning away and heading for the door. He was able to see the way Castiel perked up before he turned around. When Dean got to the door he turned back slightly and noticed that Castiel was still standing there smiling at him. He wasn't sure why. After all, they'd just meet. Maybe he was drunker than he though. Maybe Dean had something on his face. At any rate, he didn't care and just wanted to be home. 


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't a very long walk back to his apartment, but it was cold as hell outside. Dean lived in one of the busiest cities in the world and it wasn't even midnight yet so there were still ton of people out which didn't help his mood.

When he reached his building, the doorman informed Dean that the elevator had stopped working, again. Something about the cold weather this time of year. By that point, Dean had already zoned out thinking about the 14 flights of stairs he now had to climb. He thanked God he didn't give up working out when he wanted to and began his trek.

While he liked the numbness he had from the bar, it became increasingly more inconvenient as he tried to get up the stairs. By the time he made it to his floor, he had fallen 3 times and was pretty sure he had a broken toe, but that was a problem for another day, or frankly, a time when he was not drunk at midnight.

After fiddling with his keys for a while, trying to find the right one, he was finally home. Dean's apartment was lavish by any standards, but he wasn't a bum either. There was a living room with a black leather couch, tv, and a small table with a record player and a crate full of records next to it. There was a small kitchen with a very small table. There were two bedrooms, one for Dean and one for Sam. It was always made up in case he ever need to come over or wanted to stay. He didn't use it much now that him and Jess were married.

Dean was also fortunate enough to have a balcony that faced a not too shitty part of the city. In the summer, he would crank up AC/DC or Kansas and sit outside with a beer and think of the good old day growing up.

As soon as Dean was inside, he went straight into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle from the cabinet. He sat down at the table and took a swig. The hike up the stairs had started to kill his buzz, the opposite of what he wanted. He took another swig and pulled out his phone. 12:13. Still much too early for Dean to me going to bed.

For as long as Dean could remember, Dean had stayed up late. When he was younger it was to look after Sam. As he got older it was for work. Now it was just force of habit.

Out of boredom, he wandered into the living room, plopped down on the couch, bottle in hand, and turned on the tv. Dean got a surprisingly little amount of channels. The only think even remotely interesting was a special on the latest terrorist bombing, but in his current state seemed just a little too depressing.

He turned off the tv and laid his head against the back of the couch. Suddenly, all he could see were big blue eyes. At first he didn't know why he was thinking about them or even who they belonged to, but then he remembered, Castiel. He immediately recalled his warm smile, deep voice, and crooked tie, bringing a smile to Dean's lips.

Wait. Why was he smiling? He'd just meet him for 30 seconds and hour ago at a bar. Why was he think s our him and smiling? He hadn't even been nice to the guy. It wasn't even not nice, Dean had been a jerk to this guy. To Castiel. It had a nice ring to it, Castiel. It was a name he had never heard before, but why was he thinking about this. He doesn't even know him, but he wouldn't get those deep blue eyes and dark hair out of his mind. He decided this was the final straw and at 12:28, he took his final swig and got up to go to bed.

Dean slowly stumbled to bed. Once in his bedroom, he tripped over some clothes and landed face first onto his mattress. He would have been content to stay there, but he was fully clothed and was just now realizing that he was still wearing shoes. He tried his hardest to remove his clothes while remaining face down, but he soon realized it just wasn't going to happen and sat up. He tugged his shirt over over his head and cursed himself for double knotting his boots. After a few tries he was finally able to get them off and roll into bed.

On tonight of all nights, his bed felt extremely empty. He had lived alone in this apartment for 3 years, but that moment was the loneliest he had ever felt. He couldn't stop thinking about those blue eyes. He finally stopped fighting it, besides, that guy wouldn't know Dean was thinking about him, and let himself drown in the ocean of blue. There was a sense of comfort in these strangers eyes, but Dean was too drunk and too exhausted to care.


	3. Chapter 3

He fell asleep dreaming about those blue eyes. He spent the next three days thinking about them too. No matter how much he drank or what he did to distract himself, how loud he made the music, they were always there. Once he let them in, they refused to leave. Big, bright, and warm.

Dean began to think about his half assed response the other night and what a dick he had been. But he also remembered Castiel's warm smile that he had given Dean when he left. Dean took comfort in this smile, seeing it as proof that he hadn't fucked up completely. He would then remind himself that there wasn't anything to fuck up. He had known the man for 30 seconds. But who gives someone they just meet a smile like that?

After a week of arguing with himself, Dean decided he was going to go back to the bar and look for Castiel. He hoped dearly that his drunker depression hadn't scared the man off and that he would be there when He returned.

That night, Dean pulled out his good jeans and his nice leather jacket. He combed his hair and even shaved. He wasn't sure why he was putting so much effort in for someone he didn't know and wasn't even sure he'd see. He kept telling himself that he might meet some hot girl he wanted to hook up with, but in the back of his mind he knew it was for Castiel.

Dean took one last look at himself in the mirror before pulling on his jacket and lacing up his boots. He grabbed his phone, wallet, and keys and found himself smiling as he walked to the door. He stopped reminding himself he had no reason to be smiling or getting his hopes up. The elevator was still out so he walked, much more gingerly, down the stairs. He said goodbye to the doorman, stepping out into the cold evening air and starting for the bar.

As he walked in, Dean found that he had butterflies in his stomach, a feeling he hadn't had in a long time. He did a quick sweep of the bar. There were a few people here and there, but none of them were Castiel. He decided to sit at a table in the back so he could see the whole bar. When the waitress came by, he ordered a beer and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally at about 10:30, Dean saw a dark haired man sit down at the bar. His heart leapt the tiniest bit when he saw. After 15 minutes of bickering with himself, Dean finally decided to go to the bar and talk to him.

As he walked over, Dean thought about what he was going to say. He couldn't just start a conversation with the guy. He didn't know him, not really. He decided to sit next to him and see if he remembered Dean from the other night. If Dean wasn't the one starting the conversation then there's no way it could be creepy, right?

He sat down at the bar and ordered another beer. He glanced at the man briefly, afraid he would get caught doing so. His face was turned away, but he had the same messy hair from before. Dean found that he was starting to smile again. He just wanted to see those blue eyes again. To see if they were as beautiful as he remembered.

Dean couldn't take not being able to look at him. "So… this weather, right?" Dean said. Weather? Really, weather? Dean cursed himself for starting a conversation with weather, but he didn't have time to dwell on it now.

The man turned towards Dean and his heart sank. It was not Castiel. He had the same dark hair, but it wasn't him. There was no warm smile and no blue eyes.

Dean had never been more disappointed in his life. Not when his mom left, not all the times his dad relapsed, now when he found out Sam was stealing food, but right now. It was a different kind of disappointment. In the past, disappointment had meant anger. This time the disappointment brought sadness. The feeling of emptiness was coming back to him.

"Yeah. It's been pretty crazy, I guess," the man said, confused by why Dean had started the conversation in the first place. "That's what we get for living in New York."

Dean chuckled a little, "I guess you're right."

The man smiled politely and turned back ending the conversation as quickly as it had started.

Dean finished his beer in silence. Afterwards he walked home. It had gotten colder since had been inside and looked as if it might start snowing.

When he got back to his building he found the was again working so that was a plus. He got to his apartment, she'd his jacket and kicked off his boots. When he felt like this he would drink, but tonight Dean didn't feel like drinking. Instead he went to bed with the same feelings of emptiness and loneliness he had before.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean started busying himself. He took up more hours at work. He worked out more. He started cleaning his apartment way more than he should. He did anything so that when he went to bed he was too tired to realize that his bed was too big for just one person.

He was finally able to see Sam. It had been over a month since they had last talked. He found out that Jess was pregnant which made him ecstatic. He hadn’t been this happy in months. Dean decided they just had to go to the bar and celebrate.

They walked in and sat down. Dean looked like a 4 year old that was about to jump out of their seat.

“Dude, calm down alright. It’s not that big a deal,” Sam said, putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“Not that big a deal? You’re having a baby, Sammy! I’m gonna be an uncle, of course it’s a big deal!” Dean said, reaching over and messing up Sam’s hair.

“Come on, really?” Sam said, trying to fix his hair.

“What kind of brother would I be if I didn’t mess with you sometimes?” Dean gave a smile and Sam just looked at him until the two brothers burst into laughter.

“I’m gonna be a dad” Sam said with the biggest smile Dean had ever seen. They were still laughing when the waitress came.

“What can I get you guys?” Neither one could stop laughing. “Or not. I’ll just come back-”

“No!” Dean was able to choke out. “Two beers and just keep ‘em coming.”

“Can do,” she said, returning to the bar and quickly coming back to the table. “Here are these. I’ll be back later to check up on your guys,” she said with a smile.

“Thanks,” Dean said, winking out of reflex. He turned back to Sam who had a blank look of his face.

“What Sammy?” he said, taking a drink.

“Really Dean?” he said looking towards the waitress. “Can’t you just go one night without picking up some girl at a bar?”

“Oh, I see,” Dean said defensively. “I’ll have you know I have gone many nights without taking a girl home.”

“What? Really?” It looked like Sam’s eyes were going to pop right out of his head.

“Don’t look so surprised. I just haven’t been feeling it lately.”

“Well, is everything ok?” Now Sam seemed genuinely worried.

“Yes everything’s ok. What, you think just ‘cause I don’t want sleep with every woman I see something’s wrong?”

“No, it just doesn’t seem like you is all.”

“ Yeah, well maybe I’ve changed,” Dean said, turning away from Sam.

“Yeah, I guess so, “ Sam said, looking down.

The two brothers awkwardly sipped at their beers. Dean looked around and Sam checked his phone more than any person ever should.

“Look, I should probably get going,” Sam said, pulling on his jacket. He knew there was no reasoning with

Dean looked at him shocked. “What? No! Were supposed to be celebrating!”

“Yeah I know, but Jess probably missed me and is wondering where I am. It was great to see you Dean. I’ll call you next week, alright?”

“Sure Sammy,” he said, sounding defeated. Sam stood up from the table. “And tell Jess congrats for me.”

“Will do. I’ll see you soon Dean.” He watched Sam until he disappeared through the door, He immediately regretted what he’d said to his brother. He shouldn’t have gotten mad at Sam and he shouldn’t have let his pigheadedness get in the way of him apologizing for it. Dean should have just told him that he was having a hard time, but it was ok and he was handling it. But no. Instead he lied and made his brother leave when they should be celebrating the happy news.

Dean quickly chugged the rest of his beer before putting his head in his hands.

It was that that they waitress returned. “Hey, is everything ok? What happened to the guy you were here with?”

Dean looked up, “Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m just a jerk.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” she said, smiling with a plastic smile only a bar waitress could have.

“Well believe me, it is,” Dean said, not wanting to have a discussion about this in his current state.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Just bring me another beer.”

“Comin’ right up.”

When she walked away, Dean returned to his original position. She placed the new beer on the table and this time left without a word.

Dean moped for a while, the waitress bringing him a new beer every so often. Dean looked around the bar becoming even more sad that he wasn’t having as good of a time as all the other people there.

In the midst of his sadness, the blue eyes came back. They were brighter and bluer than ever. He couldn’t take it. He leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to find some peace. He didn’t open his eyes until he heard someone talking to him.

“Hello?” they said, the voice deep and somewhat concerned. Dean sat up and opened his eyes. He was face to face with the blue eyes he had been seeing for weeks.

There was a long pause that Dean didn’t notice. He was too busy marvelling at how blue this man’s eyes were. He didn’t care that he looked like an absolute creep right now. All he wanted to do was look deeper and deeper into Castiel’s eyes.

Castiel cleared his throat, “Umm…” he said, “Is everything ok?” That’s the third time Dean had been asked that today. Dean would have been much more annoyed if it hadn’t been that voice and those lips that said it.

Dean finally broke his stare and looked down. “Uh, yeah, everything’s fine, I guess.”

“You don’t sound too sure,” he said eyeing Dean suspiciously. “It’s Dean, right?”

“To be honest, I’m not so sure, but fake it til you make it right? And yeah, it’s Dean. You’re Cas, right?”

“I’ve never had anyone call me Cas before,” he said. Dean could have sworn he saw him blush, but I could have just as easily been his imagination.

“Well, I can call you something else-”

“No. I like Cas. It has a nice ring to it,” Cas said smiling. “Do you mind if I sit down?” he asked, reaching for the chair.

“Not at all,” Dean said, gesturing towards the chair across from him.

“So what’s this, “everything’s fine, I guess” business?” he asked, using air quotes for emphasis.

Dean again looked deep into Cas’ eyes. They captivated him in a way that nothing else had. They gave Dean a kind of warmth he’d never felt before.

“It’s not that big a deal. I just got into a fight with my brother when we should have been celebrating and now I’m sitting at this bar feeling like a dick.” Dean didn’t know why he was telling a complete stranger this, but here he was, sitting at a bar spilling his guts to a guy he’d just meet. Well, not just meet, but the first time didn’t really count.

“What did you fight about, if you don’t mind me asking?” he asked with a quizzical expression, his head tilted to the side like a puppy.

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ve been in a lull lately with, well, you know.”

“You haven’t had sex in a while.”

“Yes. Thank you for stating that out loud,” Dean said, his voice heavy with sarcasm. “Anywho, this was surprising to my brother so he asked me about it and I got all defensive and made so upset he left.”

“Wow. You are kind of a dick.” Cas said with a chuckle.  

“ Thank you,” Dean said sharply. “That is so comforting in my time of need.”

“Oh you’re in need now? I thought everything was ok, but in that case, what can I do for you good sir?” he said as he spread his arms out as if he were bowing.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny.”

“I think I’m quite funny, yes.”

“You just speak your mind, don’t you, Cas?” Cas. Dean said it again in his mind, liking the way it sounded. Liking the way it rolled off his tongue. Cas.

“Yes I do. I’ve found that avoiding a subject, more often than not, just makes it worse.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

“That’s why I have a confession to make.” Dean looked for the hint that he was joking, but there wasn’t one. Just Cas’ burning blue eyes looking straight into Dean’s soul.

“Oh-, ok, what is it?”

“I’ve been watching you, Dean.”

Dean could feel the color leaving his face. “Wha-- watching me?” he said, sounding more concerned than he wanted.

“Not like that,” Cas said, much less concerned with his statement than Dean.

“Like what then?” Dean said, still worried.

“I find you attractive, Dean,” he said, a smile spreading across his face.

“Wha-, really?” Dean was taken aback by the statement.

“Yes. That’s why I’ve been watching your for some time now,”

“Ok, dude, you’ve gotta stop saying that. It’s creepy.”

“Sorry,” Cas said smiling. This made Dean almost forget Cas’ previous statement. “It’s true though.”

“Oh, well, you know I don’t swing that way right?”

“I’ve only seen you hit on women, yes, but I can be fairly persuasive.” Cas smiled, more seductively this time.  

“Is that so? Well prove it then. Persuade me, Castiel.” wait, what was he saying? Why was he saying it? He didn’t want Cas to prove anything, did he? Dean liked girls. He had always liked girls, but there was something about the way Cas was looking at him that was making him rethink that part of his life.

“I thought you don’t swing that way.”

“I don’t. But I’m always open,” which was true. It’s not that he didn’t like guys, he’d just never really thought about it before, but he sure was thinking about it now.

“Excuse me if I’m being out of line, but do you want to get out of here?” Cas said, leaning towards Dean.

What did he want? Dean didn’t know. “Sure,” he blurted out before he could give it any real thought. “We can go back to my place. I mean, if you want,” he said, still not thinking about the words leaving his mouth.

“Are your sure?” Cas asked, a little taken aback.

“Yeah, totally. I mean, it’s not like you’re an axe murderer or anything. You aren’t an axe murderer, right?”

Cas threw his head back in laughter. It was a deep and full laugh. Dean couldn’t help looking at Castiel’s neck and jaw while he was laughing. Cas finally looked back to Dean. “No, Dean, I am not an axe murderer.”

“Well, that’s good, I guess,” Dean said, laughing nervously and looking down.

“I like to think so. Are you ready?” Cas asked, starting to get up.

“Me? Yeah, totally, for sure, absolutely, I’m gonna stop talking now,” Dean said, standing and chugging the remains of his beer.

“You know, we don’t have to do this.”

“No, yeah, I want to do this.” Maybe. Dean had no idea what we wanted, but now the man with the blue eyes was coming back to his home. He had been thinking about him a lot lately, so maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“Alright. After you then,” Cas said, gesturing in front of him. Dean, followed by Cas, began the walk back to his apartment.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 When they stepped outside it was snowing. “Oh great,” Dean said sourly.

"What?” Cas said smiling. “You don’t like the snow?”

“Not really,” Dean said, glaring at the sky. “It’s cold and wet and now the elevator probably won’t be working…” He trailed off thinking about all those stairs.

“Well I love the snow. There’s something calming about it, you know what I mean?” he said turning his face towards the sky.

“Well you can stay here in the cold then and I’m gonna go home where it’s warm,” Dean said, continuing to walk. Cas chuckled and then followed. After a few steps, Dean looked over his shoulder to see if Cas was still there. Cas smiled at Dean and Dean smiled back before turning away.

Just then, Dean felt something touch his arm. He turned to see Cas leaning into his arm. “Do you mind?” he asked. “It’s cold out here.”

“I thought you liked the cold,” Dean said with a smirk, but not pulling his arm away.

“No, I like the snow. There’s a difference,” Cas said, pushing closer to Dean.

Dean just smiled and continued walking. He liked the warmth. It felt nice to have someone by his side. In this moment, Dean wasn’t alone. All those things he’d been feeling for the past month disappeared. He found himself pulling Cas closer to him making him smile and lean his head on Dean’s shoulder.

They got back to Dean’s building and the elevator was surprisingly still working. The ride took longer than Dean remembered and with every second he was growing more and more nervous. His hands started to sweat. He started breathing fast, but he quickly tried to steady it so Cas wouldn’t notice. The last thing Dean needed was Cas thinking he was more nervous than he made it seem at the bar.

They finally made it Dean’s apartment. He stepped inside and then turned to let Cas in. He looked troubled. “Is everything ok?” Dean suddenly became nervous Castiel was going to leave.

“Yes, everything is fine. It’s just been a while since I’ve come back to someone’s home.”

“Well I won’t bite, I promise,” Dean said, winking at him. Cas laughed and stepped inside. Dean walked into the kitchen leaving Cas in the entryway. “You want a drink?” Dean called.

“Sure. Whatever you’re having,” Cas yelled back. He proceeded to walk into the living room to admire the rest of the house. He was looking at the record player when Dean walked in.

“So you’re a record guy?” Cas asked, reaching for the drink.

“Yeah. I just think they sound better. A lot of those were my dad’s,” Dean said, sipping his drink.

“Do you have a favorite?”

“No, not really. It just kinda depends on my mood.” Dean notice Cas looking out to the city from the balcony. “It’s a pretty good view isn’t it?” he said, walking over.

“Yes it is. And just look at the city. It’s so peaceful.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah,”Dean said, except he wasn’t looking at the city. He was looking at Cas. The curve of his jaw, the faint smile on his lips, his blue eyes so full of wonder like he’d never seen the city before. Then their eyes meet. Dean couldn’t look away and he didn’t want to. He was seeing everything and nothing at the same time. In that moment, nothing else mattered.

Dean set his drink down and took a slight step forward. Cas followed suit and quickly filled the rest of the space. Dean started feeling like he had on the elevator. “Look, I…” he tried to say, but the words caught in his throat.

Cas reached up and put a hand on Dean’s cheek. “Hey, it’s ok,” he said with a tender smile.

Dean leaned into Cas’ hand, smiling. He felt home. He felt like he belonged. Cas looked at Dean’s lips and started to lean in. Dean panicked and started to pull away, but stopped as soon and he looked into Cas’ eyes. In that moment he knew that everything truly was ok.

Their lips meet and it wasn’t anything like Dean had imagined. Cas’ face wasn’t as smooth as he was used to for one, and he certainly was used to kissing people this muscular either.

Dean’s hands were in Castiel’s hair before he realized he’d put them there. Cas’ hands were slowly moving over Dean’s body. First his shoulders then his back then his waist, each touch sending a wave of heat through his body. Dean pushed forward, wanting more of Cas. He didn't object, pulling Dean closer to him.

It was then that Dean realized Cas was much stronger than he looked. Dean started moving his hand down, hesitant at first until Cas smiled through their kiss and nodded. He felt his shoulders broad and strong beneath his hands. He ran his hands over Cas’ arms deciding to leave them there. Dean was enticed by the way they flexed under his touch.

It wasn’t until Cas pulled away that Dean realized how out of breath he was. Cas’ lips weren't off him for long. He kissed down Dean’s jaw, nipping at him every now and then. He moved down to his neck making Dean throw his head back and moan. Cas started to nip at Dean again making him grip Cas tighter. This only made Cas bite harder.

Dean eventually pulled Cas’ lips back to his. Cas’ hands started to move lower to Dean’s pants. He pulled away. Cas, either not noticing or not caring, kept going.

Dean broke their kiss and took a step back. “Look, I like this,” he said, gesturing between them, “but I’m not really ready to do any of that.”

“Oh,” Cas said, disappointingly, looking at the floor. “Maybe I should go,” he said, beginning to step around Dean.

He quickly grabbed Cas’ arm and spun him around. “No!” Dean nearly shouted. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that you’re the first guy I’ve kissed and I’m still nervous about this whole thing. I know I haven’t known you very long, but I feel a connection with you I’ve never felt with anyone else and I don’t want to fuck it up, so please stay. I’m begging you. Stay.” Dean said, starting to get panicky. Cas continued to stand there looking at Dean. “Please,” he said, putting his head in his hands. He looked back at Cas watery eyed, “Please stay.”

When their eyes meet, Cas immediately softened. He rushed forward, pulling Dean to him. “Hey, of course I’ll stay,” he said stroking Dean’s back. “ I was just stunned. I’ve never had anyone tell me they feel like that before.”

“If I creeped you out,” Dean said into Cas’ shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

Cas chuckled taking Dean’s face in his hands. “You didn’t creep me out, Dean. I feel the same way. I didn’t want to creep you out, but the bond I feel with you is profound to say the least,” he said, a huge smile spreading across his face.

“Really?” Dean asked, reaching up to wipe his eyes with his sleeve.

“Yes, you idiot,” Cas said, catching a stray tear with his thumb. He kissed Dean before he had a chance to respond. Cas pulled away briefly, “But not sex yet?” Dean laughed. “I’m just making sure,” Cas said before returning to their kiss.

Dean pulled back to put his head on Cas’ shoulder, trying to slow his breath. “Are you alright?” Cas asked.

“Yeah,” Dean breathed. “I’m just tired.”

“Well let’s go to bed then.”

“You mean you’ll stay the night?” Dean said, a huge grin forming on his face.

“Of course I will.” Dean’s smile widened. He turned, taking Cas’ arm and pulling him along towards the bedroom.

Dean stopped and turned to Cas. “But still no sex,” he said.

“Yes, I am aware of that,” Cas said, pushing Dean forward.

Dean walked into his room and immediately began shedding his clothes. Cas did the same, watching Dean as he did. The way his back and shoulders flexed as he took off his shirt. Dean turned back to Cas and looked him over once, his chest, his abs. He quickly put an arm around Cas’ waist and pulled him in for a kiss. He slowly pushed Cas back to the bed, sitting him down. They both quickly got under the sheets.

Dean paused for a moment. He had never had another man in bed with him before. They weren’t having sex, but still. Dean’s thoughts were interrupted by Cas kissing him. Dean smiled. “I told you, I’m tired,” he said around their kiss.

“Fine,” Cas said, sighing dramatically and rolling back.

Dean took advantage and nuzzled into Cas’ chest. He smiled and put his his arms around Dean. Cas leaned in and kissed the top of his head. Dean looked up at him and smiled. “I like this,” he said, pulling Cas closer to him.

“Me, too,” Cas said, kissing Dean’s forehead.

Dean laid his head on Cas’ chest listening to his heartbeat. For the first time in months, Dean didn’t feel alone. He had a place, he bed was too big. Dean fell asleep with a smile on face still thinking of Cas’ smile and his bright blue eyes.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Dean woke up with the same smile he fell asleep with. Castiel was with him in his dreams and was now with him in reality, except he wasn't. There was no heartbeat, no warmth. Dean opened his eyes to an empty bed. He looked around confused both my the situation and sleepiness.

In a sudden rush, he threw the sheets to the side and ran from the room. He entered the living room to find Cas sitting on the couch watching TV. Dean breathed a sigh of relief and almost collapsed where he was standing. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Cas said, walking over to Dean and steadying him.

Dean looked at him. His striking blue eyes, his soft lips, and his hair. It was messier and sexier than Dean had ever seen it.  He reached up and skimmed Cas’ cheek with his thumb. “I just…” he paused. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit the depth of his feelings to Cas, but there was something about the way he was looking at him that made Dean unafraid of what he had to say. “I thought you left. When I didn’t feel you next to me, I thought you were gone and you were never coming back. That I scared you away or something.”

Cas took Dean’s face in his hands and kissed him. Dean wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling Cas closer to him. He was as warm and soft as Dean remembered. When the kiss ended, Cas looked Dean in the eye. “You could never scare me away. Besides, I like this too much,” he said with a smile that crinkled the skin around his eyes.

“Yeah, me too,” Dean said, pulling him in for another kiss. This one lasted much longer than the second. There was no sexual element to the kiss like there was last night. The two of them would have been content to stand in the gentle embrace for the rest of their lives.

They probably would have if Dean’s stomach hadn’t growled. They laughed into each others lips before pulling away. “We should probably get you something to eat,” Cas said.

“That’s probably a good idea,” Dean chuckled. “We’ll get ready and then we can go to this little cafe down the street.”

“What you mean I can’t go like this?” Cas said. He was still wearing only his boxers. Dean took a step back and looked Cas over, taking his time.

He bit his bottom lip and looked back to Cas’ eyes. “God, I wish you could.” It was too much for Cas and he quickly pulled Dean to him for another kiss, this one a lot harder than the last two, but Dean liked it. They were again interrupted by Dean’s stomach. They both laughed again. Cas took a hold of Dean’s arm and pushed him towards the bedroom. “C’mon. Clothes.”

Dean took Cas’ hand before walking to the bedroom. Not wanting to take long or put in much thought, Dean put on the clothes he had on last night. Afterwards they walked to the door together and put on their coats before leaving.

When they walked outside, there was a thick blanket of snow on the ground. Dean didn’t mind it as much as he usually did because he had Castiel warm beside him. He put his arm around Cas’ shoulder and Cas put an arm around Dean waist, pulling each other close. Cas leaned over and kissed Dean on the cheek making him blush. He pulled Cas closer and buried that cheek in Cas’ hair.

The cafe was not a far walk, but it was long enough for the two of them to be grateful for the heat when they walked in. It was a very small place with an old timey feel. There was only one other couple sitting in the corner.

“Sit where ever you’d like,” a woman called from behind the counter. They decided on one of the booths by the window so Cas could look at the snow-covered city. The woman brought them menus and they ordered their food. Cas went back to looking out the window and Dean looked at Cas.

He finally noticed and looked at Dean. “What?” Dean said nothing. The two held each other’s gaze, both content to sit in the diner forever. When the woman returned with their food, she set it down wordlessly and gave them a smile before returning to the counter.

They eat in silence. Occasionally they would look up at each other and smile or laugh. Both were content with just each others company. Dean had never had an experience like this. No one he’d ever been with had stayed long enough to have breakfast.

When they were done eating, Dean left cash on the table and they walked back out into the cold. They walked in to opposite direction of Dean’s apartment. Cas noticed, but didn’t care. Wherever they were going, he was going to be with Dean and that was all that mattered to him.

After about 45 minutes of walking, Cas became curious, “Where are we going?”

Dean looked at him and smiled, “I have no idea.”

Cas gave him a puzzled look. “Then why the hell are we out here?”

“I thought you liked the cold,” Dean said with a smirk.

“No, I like the snow,” Cas said, glaring at him with fake anger. Dean couldn’t help but smile. The anger looked adorable on Cas, even though it was fake.

“Well look,” he said, gesturing around them. “There’s tons of snow.”

“You’re an idiot,” Cas said, his fake glare intensifying.

“Oh, you love it,” Dean said, leaning closer to Cas, invading his personal space.

“Eh. It’s alright,” he said, his face softening.

“Shut up,” Dean said, closing the space and kissing him. Dean’s nose was cold against Cas’ face making him shiver. Dean pulled back, “Come on, lets get out of the cold.” 


	7. Chapter 7

They went on like this for weeks. They had become the annoying couple that everyone hated, but they were too wrapped up in each other to care. They would go to coffee shops and just sit for hours, starting at each other, completely oblivious to everything else around them.

Every night that would go back to Dean’s and watch TV or make out. Dean still wasn’t ready for the sexual element of their relationship yet and Cas didn’t seem to care. He was content with longing kisses and feeling of waking up next to the person you love.

Now that he was in a better mood, Dean finally called Sam to apologize for what a jerk he’d been. When Sam showed up to the diner, Dean wrapped him up in a big hug. “Hey, Dean,” he patted his back, not really knowing what to do with the brotherly affection.

Dean squeezed him close one more time before releasing him to an arms length. “I uh, I’m sorry, Sammy-” he started.

“Dean, its ok,” he said putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“No its not, Sam. Just let me finish. I’m sorry I was such an ass. I shouldn’t have gotten so defensive, but I’m happy for you Sammy. You’re gonna be a dad, man. That’s awesome.”

The biggest smile Dean had ever seen spread across Sam’s face. “Yeah, it is.” Dean couldn’t help but smile.

After a moment, Dean hit Sam lightly on the shoulder. “Alright, I think that’s enough chick flick moments for one day.” The two of them slide into the both.

“So what have you been up to Dean?” Sam asked, looking through the menu. Dean didn’t know what say. Did he tell Sam what he had been up to or did he just play it off? Was he ready to tell him about Castiel? Dean continued to war with himself, not realizing how much time he had been taking. Sam looked up from his menu and saw the blank look on Dean’s face. “Oh, alright. Who is she?”

Dean snapped out of his stupor. “Wait, what are you talking about?” he said bewildered.

“I’ve know you almost your whole life, Dean. I know when you’re seeing someone, so, who is she?”

Dean accepted his situation, but he still wasn’t sure how how he was going to tell Sam. “Well,” he started, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s not a woman, per say…”

“Woah, Dean, I know you’re lonely, but did you have to stoop that far-”

Dean smacked Sam upside the head, “Not like that you creep.” Sam was laughing. Now was as good a time as any to tell him. Dean took a deep breath. “His name is Castiel.”

Sam’s laughter slowly died out, waiting for Dean to say that he was joking. “Hold up, you’re serious?”

“Yeah, Sammy, I’m serious. I met him the night we had our fight and we’ve been together ever since.” Sam continued to stare at Dean with a blank expression. “Hey, it’s not that big of a deal. He’s really nice and-”

Sam finally spoke. “Dean, that’s amazing. I’m happy for you. I mean, he makes you happy right?”

A smile spread across Dean’s face as he thought about Cas and all the little things he did. Like how he looked at the snow like he had never seen it before or that way his mouth hung open slightly as he slept. “Yes, yes he does.”


End file.
